It’s been said that the definition of genius is the ability to hold two opposing thoughts simultaneously while retaining the capacity to function. These are the words of F. Scott Fitzgerald in a collection of essays aptly titled “The Crack-Up.”

The essays reflect themes of disillusionment, the decline of the American Dream, and the exhaustion of a life lived at the center of the Jazz Age.

I’m feeling exhausted for the same reasons. But not so exhausted that I can’t look for my own genius in the oxymoronic idea of being intentional without expectations. I haven’t found it yet, probably never will, hope I don’t and even if I do it’s not likely I’m smart enough to recognize it.

Being intentionally unexpectant with my photography is becoming a tool that’s helping me see better. It’s helping me reduce my dependence on dramatic light for a “wow” factor while also challenging me to be more expressive.

I’m punching above my weight and pay grade and making plenty of mistakes in composition, exposure and the tons of tech in all my tools. But mistakes are memories, lessons learned through experience instead of in a book, class or video. And there’s another hidden benefit…it’s impacting my self awareness of “Who am I being?”

But under the advice of counsel, my therapist and parole officer…I’ll save the personal stuff for another time. For now, enjoy the images.